Do We Ask Too Much From God?

Dear God,

Please create us in your image, shape us, shape our lives, oh wait - create the universe first, create the Earth, create the sky above us, create all the species (both living and extinct), create the seasons for us to air condition, and please God I really need that raise. Please send us your son for us to kill and ignore, no wait, for us to adore for the rest of time or until you call us up to heaven - I know it's coming soon, and please make it soon before this foreclosure goes through, did I mention that raise? Please God, how about those Saints in their first Superbowl this Sunday? You know, I have $100 on them and I already promised 10% to Rick Warren's Mega Crutch for the rest of his hair plugs - and goddamn, they're called the Saints for chrissake! (sorry, and sorry). Anyway, could you also favor the country I happened to be born in for all matters (especially wars)? Please guide our lives, tell us whom to marry, whom to love, guide me in voting for the right (Right?) candidate, guide my career decisions, habits, friendships and acquaintances. Also, please look after Grandma and her surgery, please look-after all the babies - wait not those babies, these babies. Please make the weather nice so I can go mountain biking tomorrow, please help me understand fossils and science in general. I really need that raise God. Please create other "false" religions for us to compare ourselves to, and later annihilate. And if a plane crashes somewhere with 200 people on board, please save at least 1 so we can call it a miracle and not lose faith, so help us God. In God We Trust,

Amen.